Darla Stories

Darla Stories

Well, since I was already highlighting my cooking impaired skills yesterday, I thought I’d share a few more of them today.

So here are…”A few more things I thought were funny….”.

Like the time when Bill and I were newlyweds. I thought it would be romantic to cook an Italian something together. So I bought the ingredients and we began to assemble manicotti. It called for a clove of garlic. I had never cooked with fresh garlic before and later learned the big thing is called a “pod”…..with several “cloves” inside. Not only did we spend an unbelieveable amount of time crushing all those garlic cloves…instead of the ONE the recipe called for, we also couldn’t eat a bite of it. It was AWFUL. And for DAYS, literally days, our hands REEKED of garlic.

Now I think it is so romantic to go to the Olive Garden.

And another time I made enchiladas and rice for some friends. Of course I bought the package of Spanish rice. Followed all the directions (I thought) and served the meal. They commented on the rice and I said…”well, it just seems so bland.” After they left and I was cleaning the kitchen, I found the seasoning packet which had not been added.

I think it’s bad when I can’t even get PACKAGED foods right!

Invited some other friends over and was going to grill burgers and have a hash brown casserole. Problem was, we bought the grill that morning….unassembled. There were only about a million parts for that grill and, we later learned, it needed a million and one because a very important peice was missing. Bill spent ALL day working on that grill only to have to go borrow some little hibachi thing from a neighbor just to cook the burgers.

And the hash brown casserole? I put it in the oven, set the timer for one hour and forgot about it. One hour later when the timer went off….realized I hadn’t turned the oven on.

We had hash browns for dessert that night.

And then…very early in our marriage, Bill’s parents brought one of their best couple friends down from Minnesota to visit us in Dallas. I really wanted to show them a good Texas bar-b-que…make them wish they lived right here in the Lone Star state. My friend gave me her recipe (which I had eaten at her house and it was delicious!). I made it…slow cooked it for 3 hours….thinking it was going to be the best thing any of us had ever put in our mouths.

And when I pulled it out of the oven? Shoe leather. It looked AND tasted like shoe leather. A-W-F-U-L.

When I called my friend to see what I did wrong, she said….”well you did cover it in foil, right?”

“HUH!?” No one said anything about foil.

Her response….”well I thought foil was just a given – everyone knows that”. For some folks maybe, but me….I need VERY specific instructions thankyouverymuch.

I have no idea why we didn’t just bag the meal and go out to eat, but we didn’t. And to my knowledge, our guests have never visited Texas again.

And the worst part … I live on a street with some major high achiever people. I once called my neighbor across the street to borrow some baking powder. She said…”Oh, mine is sitting out right here…we were just using it to build a volcano.” Felt like a total slacker mom that I was just baking some cookies. Granted she has a PhD in micro molecular biology (or some other big word like that) but seriously…they were just making a volcano!?!?

Another neighbor makes the most delicious bread you could ever put in your mouth. All homemade, all the time. I joke that she is probably down there growing and milling her wheat….it is really SO good.

And once I told both my neighbors that we could have a really cool neighborhood co-op. LeeAnn could teach the kids science, Jane could teach cooking (and she also sews great stuff too!) and home ec skills and then I realized….me…I got nothing.

So, I told them I’d love to do a co-op but that I had no valuable skills to really contribute. Nothing their kids would want to learn anyway….but they assured me that I could participate.

Recess at the Baerg house!

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